Walking in the Light

So we’ve all heard about this “Man Law” movement. You know, the list of rules that all men are called by virtue of the existence of their Y chromosomes to follow? It’s a good idea, and a pretty good observation. I agree with the fact that, while all men are unique individuals, there are still some rules or expectations that every man, regardless of his age, race, orientation, religion, etc. are called to follow.

But not the rules on the published “Man Law”. Those are a little too superficial for me, and a little to society-driven. For example, according to the Man Law, “cock-blocking” a buddy (preventing a buddy from having sex, for the urbandictionary.com disinclined) is strictly forbidden. However, we know that in Christian circles, “cock-blocking” a buddy is actually a sign of care and respect for your friend and for the girl.

All this having been said, I’ve been brainstorming up a list of Man Laws I think are more legitimate. I don’t have many yet, but this is what I’ve got so far:

1) You must always lend a hand if a man asks you to help him move something heavy, regardless of what else you might have to do at the time, unless what you have to do at that time involves either a wedding or a funeral. It does not matter how close you are with this man. If he was humble enough to ask for help, step up. As a corollary to this rule, a man should never ask for help unless he is providing beer.

2) If a group of men are in the company of one or more women, and one or more of those women challenge or insult the masculinity of one of the men there, it is the duty of every other man in the company to rise to help their brother defend his masculinity. You must never take the girls’ side. If you actually agree with the girl(s), tell your brother later. Don’t ever shame a brother in front of a girl.

3) No man shall ever offer another man advice or correction in front of other men or women. Any well-intentioned coaching should occur out of the public eye. ie while playing football, no man should ever stop to explain what another one is doing wrong or how to improve. This is belittling.

4) Men shall have no need for voting, argument, or discussion of any trivial matter (who will drive, who will find the remote, etc.). Instead, all men shall defer to and respect the decision-making authority of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

5) Men’s clothes are communal. If a brother needs to borrow clothes for any reason, you are obligated to lend them to him, regardless of whether it is a hat or a tuxedo or a pair of boxers/socks. As a corollary to this rule, no man is expected to remember to return this clothing unless you ask for it back. As a further corollary, you are not obligated to lend him clothing if you absolutely need it (ie. It’s your only sports coat and you need it for the same night, etc.)

6) If you borrow one of your brothers’ cars, you must return it with a full tank of gas. If you borrow it for more than one day, you must also wash it.

Okay, so this is only the beginning, but keep em in mind, boys. They will be the measure by which your manhood is judged. And if you have any more to submit for consideration, feel free.