Walking in the Light

I was recently turned on to a podcast by a priest named Fr. Michael Schmitz. The podcast is a weekly upload of his homily, basically. He’s a young and a very insightful priest who seems to be able to connect really well with the young Church. I admit that I’ve only listened to several of his homilies, but I have been impressed with his charisma and the messages he seeks to share, so I thought I would write about it. (Side note: I downloaded about 20 of his podcasts and loaded them to my iPhone so I can listen to him at work today).

Last night, I listened to his homily from this past Sunday, in which he focuses on the Mass as the Great Sacrifice. At one point he discusses the consistent historical link between worship and sacrifice. This has been the focus of my prayer since I listened.

God does not need our sacrifices. He gains nothing from them. We cannot offer him anything which he doesn’t already have. Slaughter one sheep or a one thousand, either way this sacrifice doesn’t affect God one bit. And yes, it has been said that he gains pleasure from our act of dominance over our will in his name, but again, this seems theoretical, unnecessary, and uncharacteristic of the loving and order-driven God we worship. All of which begs the question: if God does not need or benefit from our sacrifices, why then does He require them?

This makes me think back to A Knight’s Tale, to the scene in which the aggravating leading lady requires Heath Ledger’s character to purposely lose a jousting tournament to prove he loves her. Girls may swoon over this, but as a guy, I found this request petty, selfish, shallow, and actually offensive. This woman is asking this guy she supposedly cares about to give up the things that are most important to him, all for the sake of her reassurance. (And before you girls clamor up with a “but she tells him to win it in the end!!!” I respond with the assertion that it doesn’t matter. The losses he had sustained could have been insurmountable by that point, and even if they weren’t, I don’t know where she gets off thinking she can play all these manipulative games for her own satisfaction.)

I can’t believe that our God is like this. I can’t accept the idea that He asks us to make sacrifices all for the sake of some petty sense of satisfaction. That’s like a dog owner asking his dog to do tricks for his amusement, just for the purpose of proving that the dog is obedient enough to do them.

The only solution that remains to my perception, then, is that God requires our sacrifices not for His sake, but for our own. This is the concept I’ve been wrestling with since I listened to the podcast last night. I can accept the theoretical idea that God requires sacrifices for our own sake – that is in line with the God I know. But what benefit we receive from these sacrifices is another story. Do we grow in discipline as a result of them? Possibly, but that doesn’t seem quite correct to me.

The conclusion that I’m dancing with right now is this: God requests our sacrifice. It is our decision whether or not to pay that sacrifice to Him, but when we do, we bolster our courage and confidence in ourselves, as believes who have responded to God’s call. It is our opportunity to rise up and give something back to He who gives us everything. Perhaps God doesn’t WANT our sacrifices, but He requests them because He knows, buried within our hearts, WE want to make our sacrifices. We long for any tiny, precious opportunity to show our gratitude to the One who breathed life in us. This is much like a mother who allows her child to spend his allowance on a trinket gift for her for Christmas – though she doesn’t need it, she knows the joy and satisfaction it gives the child to offer it to her, and so she gladly accepts it.

I don’t know if this explanation is satisfying, complete, or even correct. I would love to hear your thoughts about it, though. This is, of course, a mystery the scope of which I don’t flatter myself to think I can address in a blog post, but that’s kind of the point, right? To work our way through these mysteries so that we can come together to a deeper understanding of the God who fathered us.

I’ll be praying for you.

1) Create a stellar physique for myself, and enable myself to perform well athletically.

2) Speak Spanish at an intermediate level.

3) Fix my car up, including replacing the windshield, replacing and painting the bumper, and checking/replacing the spark plugs, air filter, and brake pads, etc.

4) Write a book and begin the process of publishing it.

5) Spend a long weekend hiking and camping in Glacier National Park.

I made this list because I don’t want to live my life day to day anymore. I want to identify the goals I have and actually start working towards them. And I can actually do all these things, logistically AND financially – in fact, accomplishing this entire package of goals will only end up costing me 10 dollars a day, with the bulk of that cost being the Glacier National Park trip.

The thing is, I’m a dreamer/doer. I think of things I want, and then I do them. Only I haven’t been doing that lately, so it’s time to get back on track. I’m in a pretty good place right now, all things considered. I don’t have everything under control, but do we ever, really? And it’s time for me to sit down and start thinking about the things I want to do – really want to do – and go for them. So, I’m going to do it. I’ll post on the progress here. Wish me luck, guys. I’m going all in.

Solution: Picking heavy shit up, and throwing it.

This is what I did yesterday. Well, not exactly, but I’m pretty sure it was one of the manliest workouts out there right now. Seriously. Any of you guys out there doing your curls and crunches can admire yourselves in your little pink panties all day long. You have nothing on the monstrous workout I did yesterday.

I threw up at the end. Okay, well not really, but you would have.

All right, let me break it down.

We started with some dead lifts. Let’s just stop there. I am of the opinion that dead lifts are the absolute manliest lift you can do this side of lifting a beautiful girl out of a pit of snakes. You’re just using your brute strength to take something really heavy and hoist it off the ground. It’s simple. It’s primal. It’s what men do. It’ll wind you really fast, but it’s okay, because you’ll feel like a total BAMF. Which is what I am.

Second is squats. Another purely virile move. You set some more heavy shit on your shoulders, and you use your tree trunk leg muscles to push it up. Compare this to pushing a train off an old lady trapped underneath, or carrying the world like a titan. You feel it in your butt, your hams, your thighs, your back, and your abs.

Third – barbell presses. If dead lifts are the manliest move, barbell presses are a close second. You take a barbell and weight, hold it in your hands, and press it up until your arms are extended. Works every single muscle in your upper body, and trains you push a closing steel door up so you can allow the elderly and the children to escape a lockdown.

Okay, all of this has been pretty B-core (that’s Baumgartner-core for those of you not in the know), but the next few moves really separate the boys from the men. This stuff is old-fashioned. It’s the moves your grandpa did, back when they didn’t have electricity or the internet and men had to support their families with the sweat from their brow. Are you ready?

Sandbag tosses. That’s right. You take a big burlap sandbag, grab it with your strong, masculine hands, pick it up, and toss it as far as you can. Repeat until you start to cry.

Sledgehammer swings. You take an old tire, and you beat the bejeezus out of it with a sledgehammer. This is awesome. Talk about your catharsis. You know who screams into pillows when they’re ticked? Little emo boys. You know who grabs a sledgehammer and pounds the living daylights of out something with it? Men. Do this about 20 times on each side and you’ll be too exhausted and sore to care about the little worries like unemployment or terrorism.

Finally, our last move – the BAMF. That’s the name I just made up for it. For the BAMF, you take that tire you just pounded with the sledgehammer, attach a rope to it, put on a harness, and drag the tire as far and as fast as you can until you physically collapse. As you get stronger, you can move on to other objects – bigger tires, fat people, cars, trains – whatever. If you can dream it, you can drag it, boys.

This was me after.

For those 2 or 3 men who log onto this blog, I highly recommend you throw out your maxi pads and try this workout on for size. And for the women who read it - well, I hope for your sake you find a man B-core enough to tear this one down.

1) Adoration.

Dear friends,

Today, I’m going to offer five book reviews for five books that I really love and highly recommend. If you’re looking for a winter read, I think any of these will fulfill that need. These aren’t necessarily my favorites, but a lot of them definitely fall into that list. So, without further ado:

1) The Pillars of the Earth, Ken Follett – This book is amazing. It’s a historical fiction novel set in England in the middle ages. The story revolves around the construction of a Cathedral, but it’s totally character-driven. In this one (admittedly large) volume, you have so many stories. This is one of the few books that I flat-out couldn’t put down. I read it straight through the night – several nights in a row. I cannot recommend this book highly enough. Also, for anyone interested, Starz made a miniseries that’s pretty accurate and completely awesome.

2) Black Swan Green, David Mitchell – Black Swan Green is a sad, sweet, beautiful coming of age story. It follows the main character Jason through a year during his adolescence, where he faces relatable problems like bullying, peer pressure, love, friendship, and the breaking apart of a family. Mitchell is a master of this kind of narrative. This book is really relatable and engrossing. I would say this is my required reading for boys.

3) Wizard’s First Rule, Terry Goodkind – The first book in Goodkind’s magnum opus, The Sword of Truth series. In some ways, this book is your typical High Fantasy adventure; in many ways, its messages about life, freedom, masculinity, femininity, loyalty, faith, and society absolutely garner it a unique place all of its own. Read this book. Trust me. You’ll learn so much from it, about the world around you and about yourself.

4) Paradise Lost, John Milton – This one’s not just A classic, it’s THE classic. It’s the book that men memorized all the way up until the internet came. It brought inspired Patrick Bronte to work his way out of the fields of Ireland into Britain, birthing Charlotte Bronte, one of the world’s most renowned writers. It’s actually literally the hinge upon which all English literature turns. It changed the world of writing forever. Milton is a genius, and if his insights on theology, philosophy, humanity, etc. don’t entice you, read it for the incredibly well-crafted characters, the heartbreaking story, and the achingly beautiful language Milton uses to create his Eden.

5) Me Talk Pretty One Day, David Sedaris – This is a collection of essay memoirs, and easily the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in print. Sedaris’s voice is familiar, clear, and above all, hilarious, as he wins readers over with his self-deprecating humor and endearing sarcasm. This book is a portrait of David, his family, and, especially, his time in France. If you’re looking for a laugh, look no further than Me Talk Pretty One Day. Be warned, though – Sedaris’s other works don’t even come close to approaching the genius that is this one.

So there you have it. Hopefully this has inspired you turn off the tv (or log off of hulu) and pick up a good read for the beautiful weather!

Stay strong, guys.

Kori

So we’ve all heard about this “Man Law” movement. You know, the list of rules that all men are called by virtue of the existence of their Y chromosomes to follow? It’s a good idea, and a pretty good observation. I agree with the fact that, while all men are unique individuals, there are still some rules or expectations that every man, regardless of his age, race, orientation, religion, etc. are called to follow.

But not the rules on the published “Man Law”. Those are a little too superficial for me, and a little to society-driven. For example, according to the Man Law, “cock-blocking” a buddy (preventing a buddy from having sex, for the urbandictionary.com disinclined) is strictly forbidden. However, we know that in Christian circles, “cock-blocking” a buddy is actually a sign of care and respect for your friend and for the girl.

All this having been said, I’ve been brainstorming up a list of Man Laws I think are more legitimate. I don’t have many yet, but this is what I’ve got so far:

1) You must always lend a hand if a man asks you to help him move something heavy, regardless of what else you might have to do at the time, unless what you have to do at that time involves either a wedding or a funeral. It does not matter how close you are with this man. If he was humble enough to ask for help, step up. As a corollary to this rule, a man should never ask for help unless he is providing beer.

2) If a group of men are in the company of one or more women, and one or more of those women challenge or insult the masculinity of one of the men there, it is the duty of every other man in the company to rise to help their brother defend his masculinity. You must never take the girls’ side. If you actually agree with the girl(s), tell your brother later. Don’t ever shame a brother in front of a girl.

3) No man shall ever offer another man advice or correction in front of other men or women. Any well-intentioned coaching should occur out of the public eye. ie while playing football, no man should ever stop to explain what another one is doing wrong or how to improve. This is belittling.

4) Men shall have no need for voting, argument, or discussion of any trivial matter (who will drive, who will find the remote, etc.). Instead, all men shall defer to and respect the decision-making authority of Rock, Paper, Scissors.

5) Men’s clothes are communal. If a brother needs to borrow clothes for any reason, you are obligated to lend them to him, regardless of whether it is a hat or a tuxedo or a pair of boxers/socks. As a corollary to this rule, no man is expected to remember to return this clothing unless you ask for it back. As a further corollary, you are not obligated to lend him clothing if you absolutely need it (ie. It’s your only sports coat and you need it for the same night, etc.)

6) If you borrow one of your brothers’ cars, you must return it with a full tank of gas. If you borrow it for more than one day, you must also wash it.

Okay, so this is only the beginning, but keep em in mind, boys. They will be the measure by which your manhood is judged. And if you have any more to submit for consideration, feel free.

So recently, I’ve been working really hard on getting my health under control. Granted, I’ve only been doing for like a week, so we have a long way to go before we can see if I can stick to it in the long run. But here are the changes I’ve been making:

Previously, my diet went something like this: Breakfast: Vanilla Iced Coffee and Sausage McMuffin from McDonalds. Lunch: Eat out (Sushi, quiznos, chick fil a, etc.). Go home, eat a bunch of reese’s peanut butter cups and whatever Dad made, which is something heart-healthy.

My new diet is now: Breakfast: 1 Package of Weight Control Maple and Brown Sugar Oatmeal, drizzled with honey and mixed with a handful of raisins. Let’s stop here for a second.

This is disgusting. I have always HATED oatmeal. It tastes like nothing and it feels like vomit in your mouth. I had to add the raisins and honey to make it swallowable. The first day I ate this for breakfast, I literally swallowed 2 spoonfuls and threw the rest away. Today, for the first time, I finished a bowl of oatmeal. And it wasn’t that bad – you know, once I jacked it up with raisins and honey. The thing is, I know it’s going to take while before I come to really look forward to oatmeal in the morning, if I ever do. But it’s so heart-healthy, and I’ve actually been feeling so much better throughout the day – energized and upbeat and responsive. I stay full for a longer time, and I feel like my body is just getting cleaner.

I also decided to switch to 6 meals a day. So I have my breakfast (groan) oatmeal, and then at around 10:00 I eat ½ a whole wheat bagel with peanut butter (which is awesome). For lunch, it’s something along the lines of a frozen lean cuisine (Hopefully I don’t lose Man Points for this - they’re so convenient and healthy!) and some kind of extra, like a handful of wasabi peas. Then at midafternoon I eat a handful of almonds, for the fiber and the good fats. At dinner I have whatever nutritionist-approved meal my dad makes, and I have snack before bed in the form of a protein shake or some nuts or fruit.

I want to add more fruits and vegetables into the mix, but one step at a time right?

Finally, I’ve been taking a multivitamin and it’s amazing. First of all, it turns my pee green. Like, a bright, clear, neon green. It actually looks a lot like lemon-lime Gatorade (you’re welcome for that visual - yummy). Combine this with the fact that I’ve upped my water intake to about a gallon a day, and I see a LOT of green pee.

I’ve been making it a point to run, lift, or do some form of exercise every day that I can. It feels so good to be proactive with this stuff.

Here’s the thing: it’s only been a week, but I feel so awesome! Every day now I wake up and I’m energized and ready to face the day. I stay powered all throughout the day. I just feel like a machine. It’s the best.

Hopefully, if this continues, I can end up looking like Brad Pitt or David Beckham or some other awesome ripped manly man. But even if I don’t, I feel awesome, and that’s making it all worth it.

Except maybe the oatmeal.