It's been a rough day. I had a bad fight with mom and we're not speaking to each other. This time, I think it will be for a long time - by my choice. I'm not going to be ready to talk to her again for a while. She said some really hurtful and unfair things. She doesn't know how deeply her words can hurt me sometimes, I think.
I got out of the car on the way to Mass. I just didn't want to sit through Mass next to her, with all this ill will between us. I walked home, grabbed my computer, my book, and my mythic deck and came to Starbucks. I figured if anything can cheer me up write now, it's a cup of tea, Richard and Kahlan, and my new lotus cobras. Which are ballin', by the way.
But it's time like these that make me wish that I had never finished undergrad, that we were all still living together. Because you guys - I know it's only you guys who are going to read this - you guys were so many things to me. You were there to help me get my mind off the bad stuff, even if you didn't know you were doing it. And even if I wasn't laughing, your laughter was always like the sun shine. I could never be down or upset around you all. You knew exactly what to do to keep my spirits up, no matter what.
But I feel like that's gone now, and that leaves what feels like a gaping hole in my heart. Yes, I know, we'll all be friends still. I'll see you a lot. All that's true. But I won't be around you guys during the darkest nights, when I need you the most. And that scares me. Because I don't know if I know how to handle everything on my own.
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